ShatteredPlanet

Why hello earthling bitches!!!! First off,we apologize for the dilatory nature in the release of this episode. As you know, the boys are in the throws of their multi-state excursion resulting in delayed transfer of audio files to the production department."So what" you ask? Well, that means the people that assemble the show have nothing to assemble until the boys pass the audio onto us, so consequently, you fucks have to wait longer than usual to get your favorite paranormal podcast--so there you fuckers!! Goddamnit here it is!! In this show you will find Goblins shape-shifting into ethereal Ninja Baboons and then attacking school girls, breaking news from the Andromeda counsel,the Reed Family abductions, possessed Gypsy Dolls (minus members), and exceptional new NDEs from February.Thank you once again for allowing shatplan to damage the few good brain cells left residing in your cranium.

P.S. Thank you B.G. and A.W. for your continued contribution to Shatplan. Without your tireless effort we would probably be a much better transmission-and indubitably more original.

P.P.S The shatplan crew continues their quest to expose the underworld with the next stop in their journey being Arizona.Be sure to tune in.

Paranormal entities fled across the country and the soundslingers followed. You are about to witness the inaugural show in a long series that will change the face of the mystical world forever. The financial backer of ShatteredPlanet has commissioned your favorite crew of broadcasters to travel the country in pursuit of every purported preternatural disturbance that plagues its people. No subject spiritual, cryptozoological, conspiratorial, or otherwise will remained concealed by the time of the journey's culmination. Alabama was the primary destination in this grand investigational expedition, and boy was it superb!! This episode includes: canine murdering ectoplasm,sprinting robotic/bio alien hybrids, and nostalgia inspiring cinematic analysis. Thank you for for your continued advocacy and auscultation.This narrative is sure to please.

HELLO EARTHLING BITCHES!!!! Boy has it been a while since your favorite mystical crapcast offered up anything worth while. Well, as the faithful know, the crew embarked on the live transmission trail last summer and things have gone fabulous. As a result, they aren't afforded investigative opportunities often, so when the chance rears its head, boy do they jump at it. Ristopher and Brucie left town on a quest of epic religious proportions-- i.e. the Tebow phenomenon, and Billy Backhand and a special guest popped into the studio to fill in. Rios had his mitts full with mediating, but when the dust settled, an epic was born. A ghost story, and a cute rate B movie review were in attendance to entertain you. Thank you for being a faithful listener all these years, this one won't let you down.

P.S. OH yeah, go to shatteredplanetlive.podomatic.com to hear a recorded version of your favorite live paranormal podcast.

P.P.S. We are working on a website @ shatteredplanet.com at the moment. We will be broadcasting live very soon there. Tentatively it will be bimonthly , but you know the assholes @ shatplan-- they work when they want to.

What can we say? It has been an inordinately long time since we posted an episode-yes we received all of your e-mails too, by the way. Everyone at Shatplan would like to apologize for our respite and assure you that we'll be more prolific in the upcoming months. There are oodles of pretexts that we could shovel into your craniums, but we won't. To be honest, everyone kind of needed some rest and we took it-- so there earthling bitches. But guess what? You are here for a damn good reason, that reason isn't to hear us whine about last year. No, it's because we've published a new one, fuckers. In this episode the boys were at a local haunt to ring in the new year, and boy did they have fun. Along with injecting unsuspecting horny drunk broads with their s.t.d.'s they imparted a metaphysical medley. Ristopher began the show with a story of a spirit from down south of the border way. After that Rios exited his makeshift booth for a minute to impart a dandy of chimerical cryptid proportions.Before shaking his semen purse to the dance floor Brucie had one police woman's account of some supersonic silvery bipeds. Sure to entertain your earholes and your genitals alike, take a gander and tell a friend. We appreciate you listening and prepare yourself for a year filled with ShatteredPlanet broadcasting. Oh yeah, about the episode photo.It contains Brucie and Rios in masks, and Ristopher blasted out of his gourde on p.c.p. All got laid and the gene pool is worse of for it. Thank you.

Love, The ShatPlan Crew

P.S.

Brucie is a rump ranger

Did our fans really think that we were gone for good? Joke's on you then,suckaz! That is correct,the most adept crew of cryptic cops ever
constructed has convened once more. This episode contains the following:
a slamming interview with a jerk from Canada,stories of slittery beach beings, 80's t.v. theme show sing songs, and too much more to list. Take this one in with a loved one, it might get your genitals some attention.....Unless you are Double K, then it's a lost cause. We love you guys and we are glad to be back in action, and our offering to you is this poopy podcast.

Yours Lovingly,Snowie Jim

P.S. Hooked On Phonics worked for me

  

Our lovable crew is sure to burn in Hades for this little abomination of a show. In theory this episode was set to be the kindest outing that ShatPlan had experienced to date- enter Snowie Jim!!! A bucolic milieu of brotherly fellowship invited our band of paranormal ne'er-do-well's to grace them with their presence in Texas;only God himself knows why.Just when the delicate commune seemingly proselytized our rapscallions to resign their sinful backgrounds for good, things went terribly wrong. Before all innocence was lost though, Ristopher delivered a radiant report of an out of body experience. Then Bruce gave tidings of pure evil in a devilish love story. What happened after is an effusion of saccharine sacrilege that one can't help but need a shower after hearing. Please don't hate us, it's a way of life, not a joke.

Holy Sheeit, these assholes need to be tossed in the clink for good. What do you get when you aggregate booze, the ghosts of dead entertainers, and over-qualified paranormal investigators? A cornucopia of laughs, and possibly some litigation.The crew: Ristophoo, Rios, Brucie, and the newly inducted mountain climbing therapist(Howie Ulbrecht Hergusheimer) convened recently in Florida to bruit some otherworldly authenticity for the ShatteredPlanet faithful.The result was a show sure to please even the staunchest of skeptics. Go now, and procure one of your favorite adult beverages and a Depends undergarment, this one will have you laughing your undies dirty rotten.


Oh yeah.... Lenny, and Snowie call in to contribute their horseshit as well.

All of the behind the scenes personnel would like to send our prayers and well wishes to Brucie and the gang.Your favorite paranormal squad recently convened for some fringe topic dissemination and everything went haywire somehow. All was going well with the remote broadcast, being conducted in area 51, until Snowie Jim showed up anyway.The lovable sasquatch went snooping in a restricted zone and got our group of zany fringe topic factoid circulators into some dutch.Snowie burst into their makeshift studio with news of alien proof rendering our cuddly jerkoffs hopeless to abandon their equipment in the desert.By the sounds of it they narrowly avoided being caught by government employees of the top-secret citadel, but they haven't been heard from since. This chapter includes pieces of literary acumen in the form of Ristopher's brain bender on alien technology, Walnut's abduction story, and an intriguing interview with a racist colonel housed in area 51.Stay tuned to the faculty riddled transmissions of awesomeness for more on our boys whereabouts. So long earthling bitches

After all of the show's vicissitudes, and fans patronage despite them, ShatPlan couldn't help but be imbued with
the holiday spirit this season.Consequently, the cast decided to convene this Christmas Eve to gift our faithful with paranormal tidbits and laughter. Enraptured with bewilderment the crew greeted a well known sleigh driving bigot dropped in to spread some yuletide cheer---concomitantly ,most of the alcohol on hand was consumed with yucks and insight proliferating in the wake of said inebriation .We feel we should forewarn you to grab eggnog and K.Y. in preparation of the earrape you are about to endure.This one is a real humdinger,so Merry holidays to you and enjoy this gift
heartily ;earthling bitches.

P.S.---- Save the nasty e-mails , Saint Nick told us to tell you to fuck off!!!!

With our main fiduciary backer, Todd Walnut,inextricably holed up in a perpetually moving airplane; the outlook for ShatteredPlanet was bleak. We were penniless with no end in sight.Subsequently , our crew and equipment were forcefully removed from our studio due to a lack of funds to defray rent cost. Nonetheless, we luckily moved temporary encampment to
an abandoned bowling alley which served as a place of podcast gold on the outskirts of Cleveland. Let the phone telethon begin!!! The telethon was orchestrated beautifully by Billy Rios, behind the scenes , answering calls. After enormous contributions from Wesley Snipes, and Oprah Winfrey , things were looking up in a big way. Enter the lion tamer, Ristopher Bermese!!! The newest addition to the p.o.o.r. - or ( panel of obnoxious researchers) decided to go an a verbal terror. After permanently scarring a little girl on the phone , the gigantic donations began to recant and once again, we were broke. Never fear though, Brucie's long lost brother----Fortworth , wentworth , bizmarkie, walkerman, herbert, fillabustering, yada , yada yada.................. called to save the day with a bottomless bank account. The show culminated with Mr. Holland storming out of the bowling alley to the tune of Grizelda Walnut<<<<------( see picture above), Todd's Wife, calling the show.She informed Owen that his misguided d.n.a. wad that was intended for her colon accidently found it's target in her fallopian tubes, with the help of his little piggies. Lot's of mayhem, little I.Q., what more could you want in a paranormal podcast?

Here is another in the long line of abortions we call a radio program. Walnut
pissed Brucie off good with the decision he made to forgo giving the listeners a story. Mr.Holland then hit a home run with a piece concerning the dark side of the moon. Lenny actually went to the earthly satellite for a roaming reporter's first hand account of lunar goings on. The interviewee we had planned called into the show saying that he was dead, with his racially foul-mouthed replacement getting thrown off. Lively phone messages and e-mail rounded out our best show to date.